The Idiots of Ocarina of Time
by Shekiah Rosay
Summary: Sometimes people aren't all that they seem. The sages are no exception.
1. HE'S MINE!

This is about the sages, cable TV exercise tapes, and non-existent walls. Please read and review. It's random, and will get more random if you review! Read on! ! !  
  
Disclaimer: If I owned Zelda, I'd be creating a new game that doesn't involve saving a princess, not sitting here writing a random fic. And if you owned it, you'd be doing the same, not reviewing. But since you don't. . . please review!  
  
~*~*~*~*~  
  
Darunia: Nothing good's on TV!  
  
Saria: Naw, ya think? Just to let you know THE FREAKISH REALM OF SAGES DOESN'T GET CABLE YOU TWIT!  
  
Darunia: I knew that.  
  
Saria: Sheesh. What would you buncha freaks do without me?  
  
Nabooru: Who are you calling a freak you freak?!  
  
Saria: Who'd ya think, freak?  
  
Nabooru: You wouldn't know, you're just a freak!  
  
Saria: Freak!  
  
Nabooru: Freak!  
  
Saria: Freak!  
  
Nabooru: Freak!  
  
Saria: Twit!  
  
Nabooru: You stink.  
  
Saria: Thank you.  
  
Annoying narrator dude: Suddenly, music begins to play!  
  
Music: Ready? Here we go now! Jump, right, left. Forward! Doin' great girls!  
  
Impa: Ruto, turn off the freakish exercise tapes!  
  
Ruto: But Link is coming soon if he ever beats the Water Temple. He's been in there for eight whole months already! I have to look beautiful if my fiancée is coming to see me!!!  
  
Saria: Whoa, wait a second. Did you say YOUR fiancée?! Girlfriend, I have known him for his entire life, and you say he's YOUR man?! Get a @#$% life already.  
  
Ruto: He vowed his eternal love to me when we were but children. At least I'm somewhat developed. You're still a kid.  
  
Saria: Excuse me, but did you just call me a child?! Let me have you know, I'm a Kokiri! The most intelligent and proud race of Hyrule?!  
  
Ruto: Asif. The last time I checked you people were still living in little wood cottages and running around pointlessly like morons!  
  
Saria: Naked fish!  
  
Ruto: Air breather!  
  
Saria: Water sucker!  
  
Everyone: O o o o o o. . .  
  
Nabooru: *pops up* How come they can think of good insults?!  
  
Raru: *throws rock at Nabooru*  
  
Nabooru: O w w w w w w! ! !  
  
Raru: *begins to bang head on wall*  
  
Saria: We have walls?  
  
Raru: *falls into abyss*  
  
Saria: That gets rid of one of our problems.  
  
Nabooru: Raru go bye-bye.  
  
Darunia: Let's PARTY! ! !  
  
Raru: *magically reappears*  
  
All: @#$% it.  
  
****  
  
Well, that's the end of this entirely random chapter. If you guys review, they'll get longer! If you review, you get to be in the story. All you have to tell me is:  
  
*Who you want annoy the living daylights out of  
  
*How  
  
Get it? Got it? Good. Oh yeah, this is for Sanari! Randomness will one day rule! =) 


	2. A Blue Mango And Its Followers

Disclaimer: I don't own Zelda Ocarina of Time. And neither does Billy Bob the pillow. So there.  
  
****  
  
Raru: Oh crap! We have to get ready, we don't have time!  
  
Ruto: What's wrong, Raru?  
  
Raru: A VISIT FROM ZELDA! INSPECTION!  
  
All: *gasp* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  
  
Saria: *inhales some powder*  
  
Saria: AIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Impa: SAVE THE CHICKENS!  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Impa: *shrugs*  
  
All: *resumes screaming*  
  
Suddenly, everything falls silent!  
  
Zelda: *in Professor Umbridge voice © * Hello everyone!  
  
All: *dully* Hello, Zelda . . .  
  
Zelda: I can't hear you!  
  
All: Hello Zelda!  
  
Zelda: Very nice! Now, I have something special for you today!  
  
Ruto: Did Link come along?!  
  
Zelda: *eyes become like windmill dude as adult* FOR THE LAST TIME, NO!!!  
  
Ruto: Forget you, then.  
  
Zelda: Ruto, go to time out!  
  
Ruto: No!  
  
Zelda: Yes!  
  
Ruto: NO!  
  
Zelda: YES!  
  
Ruto: NOOOOOOO!  
  
Zelda: Just shut up and stand in the corner.  
  
Ruto: *flicks her off behind her back*  
  
Zelda: Okay, everybody, today I have with me a dictionary!  
  
*crickets chirp*  
  
Raru: Crap, I knew I forgot something. Link took our last bottle of insecticide. Something about skulltula . . .  
  
Raru: Aren't skulltula arachnids?  
  
All: --U  
  
Zelda: If you don't all shut up soon, I'll decide that you aren't mature enough to handle my surprise.  
  
All: *shut up*  
  
Zelda: Very good! I now have with me the most amazing, wonderful, spectacular . . .  
  
FIVE DAYS LATER:  
  
Zelda: Incredible . . .  
  
Raru: Get to the point!  
  
Zelda: Mango!  
  
Saria: You mean you don't have candy?  
  
Zelda: No.  
  
All: *sigh and wander off*  
  
Zelda: But it's a blue Mango!  
  
Saria: Your point?  
  
Zelda: A blue mango from the sacred tree of which came the OCARINA OF TIME!!!  
  
All: WOW!!!  
  
Ruto: *comes back from corner* Hold on . . . The ocarina is a carved fruit?  
  
Saria: Yeah . . .  
  
All: WOW!  
  
Zelda: What?  
  
Raru: They just AGREED!  
  
Zelda: Wonderful girls! Friendship is a great thing! I'm so glad to see you have solved your internal conflict!  
  
Saria: It's her fault.  
  
Ruto: Was not!  
  
Saria: Was too!  
  
Ruto: WASNOTWASNOTWASNOT!  
  
Saria: WASTOOWASTOOWASTOO!  
  
All: --U  
  
Zelda: Anyway . . .  
  
Ruto: I SAID the Ocarina of Time is actually a carved fruit?!  
  
Zelda: Why, yes. I thought everyone knew that! An ocarina is typically defined as a carved vegetable that can be played like a flute.  
  
All: Ooooooooo . . .  
  
Raru: Overachiever . . .  
  
Zelda: ^________________^  
  
Darunia: *walks in with six McDonald's Happy Meals* Hey everybody, I'm back!  
  
All: *bowing down to blue mango*  
  
Darunia: What the #$&%$?  
  
Link: Yo dogs!  
  
All: *bowing down to blue mango*  
  
Link: Dude, what's going on? Ruto? Saria?  
  
Ruto and Saria: *continue to bow with glazed look in eyes*  
  
Link: *turns to only remotely sane looking one in room* Yo, bro, what's shakin'?  
  
Darunia: I . . . don't . . . know! I came in and they were all worshipping the fruit.  
  
Link: Why the fruit, dog?  
  
Darunia: It is derived of the sacred tree of the Ocarina of Time!  
  
Link: AHHHHHHHHHHH! I'm deathly allergic to mangoes! I'm DOOOOOOOMED!!! *breaks out in boils*  
  
Darunia: It is the dreaded mango cult! AIEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Link and Darunia: *run in circles*  
  
All: *bow down to the mango*  
  
****  
  
So, what did you think? Review away! 


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